Kinda Lame

You know what’s lame? “Coupon Slippers.”

Those people who just refuse to pay full price. They want the item in the grocery store or the meal in the restaurant but they just refuse to pay what the rest of us are paying. They are “slippers” because they know the coupon they are trying to pawn off isn’t any good. I was once in a deep relationship with one of these dishonest cheaters, I know how it works. They gather coupons for things they buy, restaurants they eat at and devise ways of slipping them through so no one notices. If it’s the store, go through the line of the guy or gal who looks tired or inexperienced and pass off the smaller item of the same brand. If it’s in a eatery, as I just witnessed, they claim that they’ve done it before with a different manager on duty – normally, “I’ve done this before” is usually the last refuge of the “Coupon Slipper”. It’s something that has to stop. Why should I pay more for something I was happy paying full price for because you don’t? If you don’t think $8 for a burger is justified, leave.

Oh, and I also learned: Old People Don’t Tip.

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It was a quiet Saturday evening on the Westside, somewhere someone was tossing a sack of corn at a hole – besides that and a few bounces of an errand basketball there was silence. The sun was low in the sky and for many it was time to sit down for dinner. I also had a familiar feeling in my stomach, so I decided it was time for me to eat as well. But what delectable little item would I have today? The local fare was starting to get old, for the past three weeks I’d spent my weekend nights chewing on some of the best bar food you could find – but it wasn’t enough anymore.

I decided I’d go a little further than usual, but still keep it light. The evening was nice and it gave me the idea that I almost wanted to eat outside. That idea had to be scraped because it was just too damn humid, there was no way I wasn’t going to enjoy the modern convenience of air conditioning. Of course, there was a place where you could do both – The Levee. You could breeze around, see and be seen, and there were a lot of options. Of course, when it came to food that evening I made the wrong decision.

My head was beginning to hurt, I needed to eat something fast. I ran out as fast as I could and went over the options in my head. I was alone so I didn’t want to eat at anyplace too fancy – although that is what I truly was craving. I was tired of sandwiches, wraps, cereal, pizza and the repeated regular bar foods. I decided that I could combine the evening and make it entertaining by trying the food at Gameworks, afterward maybe I could let out a little stress and enjoy the evening by playing those video machines. I’d been there once, almost a year ago, but I never tried the food. Let’s give it a shot.

I arrived and drove around to park for what seemed like ten minutes. I finally found a spot and dashed to the stairs – I was getting even more hungry and there was no way I wanted to waste my time waiting for the elevator. I reached the top, almost out of breath (ever since junior high school I have taken steps two at a time without thinking). The air of the Levee was alive, somewhere music was almost being played by a band and everyone seemed to enjoy it. The view of the city across the river was gorgeous, as usual. I headed inside.

My destination was staring at me, straight ahead was food and fun. I got a table, and eventually a dry hamburger. It wasn’t as good as my favorite at the local spot, it certainly had been overcooked and lacked barbeque sauce. My head still felt a little off after eating so I decided some caffeine would help and ordered coffee. It wasn’t late yet, not even sunset, and there were enough things around to do that I would still tire out before the activities would. After the coffee and a small chat with the server I was off to play games.

Gameworks seems to be focused on two types of games – shooting and racing. Strange because they also serve alcohol. Not a good combination, but I guess people want to drink and drive and when that gets old, slide out of the car and shoot someone or something. Since I had already finished a quarter of a glass of draught beer I wasn’t too interested in playing a game that might embarrass me. It didn’t seem smart to play a game with a thirty five to forty inch screen that highlighted my shortcomings. I milled and milled, watched the faces of the people around me, as I had been doing from my chair next to the window in the eatery.

It was an odd setting, girlfriends following their boyfriends from shooting game to shooting game. Playing, trying to be interested in their spouse, only to be insulted and made to feel inferior. I felt as if these young boys and men wanted to assert their manhood as only a 1950’s man could. There were a few other young men around, but they seemed to have wondered in away from their family activity. A grouping of older couples sat around and there was what looked like a corporate party. Somewhat of a letdown, not much real excitement other than the wondering older single women. It was an interesting gaggle – dressed up and lots of makeup, one can only assume looking for a younger man to shower with Gameworks credits in exchange for a brief run at love lust.

That’s about when I found it. Stern Pinball has been making machines since the 1970’s (as Stern Electronics) and now stands as the only pinball machine maker in the world. Many in the industry, along with coin operated video machines, went bankrupt in the 1980’s and consolidated and the last pinball competitor to Stern was incorporated in the late 90’s. They have decided to re-run older best selling machines as well as create new themed machines such as my new favorite: The Sopranos (wikipedia, IPMDB).

There were other pinball machines lined up, with no one playing and I made it around to all of them but The Sopranos became my favorite very quickly. Other machines, namely Austin Powers, also by Stern, were setup to lose. The Sopranos wasn’t, it has a nice tight field with many easy targets and ramps and the flippers weren’t miles apart. Ball control is the most essential thing in pinball, unless you are going to shoot hard and aimlessly, and having a gap between flippers that is a ball and a half wide like some of the others doesn’t make that easy. The Sopranos felt like a real pinball game, it was fair and fun – you never watched a lost ball in disbelief.

Granted, the high score needed for a free game can and usually is set by the gaming house so Stern can’t take credit for that – but in no time I found that after every other game I was guaranteed a free credit to play again. I was lost in the sounds of the Sopranos cast and free game after free game. It became obvious that putting over four hundred credits on the Gameworks currency card at $25.00 wasn’t a good idea. I was now a Gameworks millionaire. I didn’t need all those credits because despite all of the flashy high tech machines around me I found a winner. And I mean winner because it certainly paid off.

Pinball machines, to me, are notorious for teasing you with the “Match” after the dropping of your final ball. You are depressed because it’s over, no more ramps and lights flashing, no more fun. Almost as you’ve never played before you realize there is one last chance, you might be able to play again! A number flashes on the LED light screen, 80, that should be easy to beat you think to yourself. You saw 80 hit the last time on double zero, why not now? A 50 comes up as your new match number and your dreams are dashed – but you waste no time going for your pocket to find another old quarter.

Not for me, not this time. I was winning free games since the score to beat for a free one was only set at 7,000,000; with it jumping to 14,000,000 the next round. That wasn’t as easy to hit but I made it a few times for the second free credit. Since I was playing non stop, slugging beers, I was also hitting the match score what seemed to be every tenth time it came up. I swear it hit twice in a row, but I was just hitting “Start” over and over so fast I wasn’t even paying attention anymore. It became so much fun to play that when I left to refill on draughts I was worried someone who spied me playing for so long would get curious and steal it away from me.

With so much enjoyment I forgot about my headache, which had come back with a vengence. I swipped my card one last time and found that I was now sitting on two more free games after losing the third ball very quickly. I didn’t want to play anymore, I’d be back, but I had to get home quick. A game played, another free credit. I was still having fun but it was getting hard to focus, match. Now I was four free games deep and desperately wanting to leave.

I plowed through the last games, playing hard as I decided to not just give up or walk away. It wasn’t about the money, this was costing me fractions of a cent to play, I just wanted to get better and better despite my blurry eyes. Finally it was over, and I started to reach for my currency card. I couldn’t believe I had so much fun in a place that touts itself as being so interactive at such a lone machine.

I knew I would be back, and during a following weekday I was. I decided on pizza this time, four cheese, and way too much. Even though it burned my mouth I ate as fast as possible and found my new home; The Sopranos Pinball.

Also: See video of The Sopranos Pinball @ Google / YouTube.

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