LAME: Getting Kids Hooked on Pocky

Posted in Advice, Lame, News, Rant, Review, Satire, Shopping, Words of Wisdom on January 28th, 2012 by admin
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These Japanese – they all have a scary and dangerous addiction to a evil menace that seems to now threaten the world population. Pocky.

Sure, it seems innocent. Chocolate (or strawberry, cappuccino or worse) over a cracker. But it’s on a stick. Nothing good comes on a stick. What’s worse is good ol’ Americans import and eat this stuff all the time. If you are a Hipster or are faking an interest in Japanese culture (to mask your sick manga addiction) you have some in your glove box or stashed away somewhere.

Now, here in America we like hot dogs wrapped in corn bread on a stick. There is nothing wrong with a corn dog – there is little chance at addiction, there is absolutely no problem if you eat 10 to 30 in a day.

I wasn’t too worried about this menace when I was first introduced to it. I shook the habit and realized I wouldn’t spend enough time in my local specialty food store to get my hands on Pocky. But after going to this grocery store of the world to pick up a 55 gallon drum of peanut oil (for making steaks) I discovered the item pictured above.

After some debate in the Japanese import aisle I found myself lost in – I did the unspeakable and purchased some of this Pocky. I cringed at the idea of another slimy Japanese Mafia member making money off my purchase. I had to test my theory. Sure enough when you combine the addictive and menacing substance with a clean cut childhood figure – in this case Thomas the Tank Engine – kids can’t resist the stuff.

Parents, keep your kids out of the Japanese foods aisle. Upon sight alone they will want it, and will be at the same time throwing their lives away. You might as well withdraw their college accounts now and prepare them for a Lindsey Lohan lifestyle. They will later, no doubt, be stealing to support their Pocky habit.

So sinister. You’ve been warned.

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LAME: 2012 Chevy Sonic Recalled Already – It Was Shipped Without Break Pads

Posted in FAIL, Funny, Lame, News, Rant, Review, Shopping on December 30th, 2011 by admin
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D’OH – Chevy Sonic Missing Break Pads Upon Shipping

Seems like a bonehead mistake, of gigantic proportions. Chevrolet has shipped their 2012 Sonic without break pads installed – no big deal. Oh, wait, we need those in order to keep from careening into intersections full of people and/or car? Well crap, let’s get to the dealer. No wonder it was $500 off, they just sold us a kit, not a car. Some assembly required I guess. Given that, we assume, most cars are made with robots I’m not sure how this would have happened – oh yeah, the robots aren’t aware that pads need to 101% be installed. If maybe, I don’t know, people still put cars together someone would have caught the mistake. I’m sure the guy who worked the assembly line for 40 years (and knows more about your car than the guy who drew up the blueprints) would have stopped production before such a deadly product was shipped. And they say we need tort reform? I think this shows we need something, anything, to keep companies on their toes. Not that we need to sue Chevy all at once now. Not at all – but if they weren’t worried about lawsuits I wonder if they’d ever give us break pads? It sure doesn’t seem like something on the forefront of their mind. Can’t wait to see The Consumerist get a hold of this one.

Here is what SlashGear had to say, the source (for me) of the story…

We’re pretty certain that someone at General Motors is in a whole heap of trouble this week as its been discovered that a batch of their Chevrolet Sonic cars with missing brake pads have left the factory and were sold in kind to unsuspecting customers. While these missing pads aren’t currently being rated as something so fatal that GM is recommending a total instant freak-out on the part of car owners, if you are one of those owners, you probably should bring your car in to be checked. Nothing like cruising into grandma’s house for New Years and finding yourself on the other side because you brakes just… you know… aren’t there.

via 2012 Chevrolet Sonic recalled due to missing brake pads – SlashGear.

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LAME: Beer Allergies

Posted in Advice, FAIL, Howto, Lame, Rant, Review, Words of Wisdom on September 8th, 2011 by admin
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As I grew older I drank less at times and found that during other times I was much smarter about drinking (throwing up less) and when I put my mind to it I could consume amazing amounts of alcohol. Amazing. Amounts. During a period after there loss of a close family member I would host a weekly drinking competition – which I won and have a certificate to prove I won – but to mask a developing problem. That has passed as the loss became easier to bear, though I still have the certificate (the same one used in classrooms awarded to children for winning the math competition no less, which to me is still ironic).

Now at a young age I could drink almost any kind of beer and didn’t drink much liquor. I did develop a taste for the gin & tonic, but typically drank what everyone else was drinking, whatever beer brand we all wanted to pitch in on. Given a choice and with the help of my steady drinking buddy I would select the glorious, golden delight that is named Old English 800. Eight ball, Ol’ E. Or as I called it, “The Malted Fantasy”. Not to be cool, not to be an ironic Hipster. I wasn’t trying to be Eazy-E – I took the advice of someone who was a serious drinker, who lauded Ol’ E, and tried it.

I also drank, due to price, a lot of Keystone Light. On my 30th birthday I even pledged to drink a 30-pack of ‘stones… and didn’t fulfill that obligation. At all. But I did try. Looking around at beer drinkers though you’ll notice a love for Anheuser-Busch products. Budweiser, Bud Light – these have to be the top selling beers in America. Though, I don’t even care to double check that assertion.

As time has progressed, starting back at about age 25, I found I could no longer drink more than one Anheuser-Busch product. Sometimes before I finished a 12 oz bottle I has a splitting headache and it felt like my ears were closing up. Then there were the yummy microbrew beers. I couldn’t drink any. I even had to leave a dinner party early once after drinking half of a beer.

Hard liquor doesn’t, for the most part, have the same effect. Sadly I have developed a taste for wines as I am now a bit more mature (and have someone to enjoy them with, someone to guide me in selections) and I can’t enjoy them either most of the time.

The first solution was to not drink. At my age, in my part of town and trying to be social this is almost impossible. Even in my previous job we couldn’t celebrate a success without tossing back a few (well, it was either drink or eat a ton of expensive and trendy food). The magical solution that I discovered later was Miller Light. I have had other Miller-Coors beers, and have had no adverse reactions, but I will typically avoid them on taste alone.

Miller Light has become a staple for me. Not that I’m drinking all the time, because I’d rather not, but if I want a single beer before bed after a long day or am looking for something that goes with a meal (who can not drink a beer while eating my own BBQ chicken? It deserves a pairing) I buy and reach for one thing… Miller Light.

Now, before you think my intent here is to laud Miller and put down the other brands I should be clear. I wish I had a choice. Some festivals only sell Bud. Some stadiums make you walk a half mile around to find something other than the beer that sponsors the team. At some parties where the beer has been purchased for the guests in advance – your favorite type of party, don’t lie – there is no real choice for me in sight. I find it common too that Anheuser-Busch has locked bars into exclusivity contracts and you can only get their beers out of the tap.

Sometimes you just have to suffer.

No. Beer. For. You.

And wine? Forget about it. Someone wants you to try a glass of expensive wine made in 1941, which the Nazi’s stole most of and there are only five bottles remaining? Endure the soulcrushing headache to come or turn it down.

Though, I may have found a solution.

There are a few things you can be allergic to in regards to liquors. It can be mold as a byproduct of the yeast used in fermentation. Anheuser-Busch beers are high in the byproduct and changing the formula would change the taste – fair enough, the majority of Bud drinkers might revolt. With wine it could be the sulphites – though this doesn’t seem to be my issue, per the above description. And there are other issues, such as wheat or gluten allergies, but you’d know if that was the case.

Now … I should have started by saying I’m not a doctor and I don’t intend here to give any sort of medical advice. And this is, of course, a medical problem in nature. So run this by your doctor first or do your own homework. But if you are like me and find that most beers and wines are off the menu – try an allergy drug (OMG other than benedryl!) to curb the issue. I have tried the over the counter Claritin (Walmart brand, which, scares me because I had no idea Walmart had a drug company division). Claritin didn’t work. Last night I tried it for the first time and I woke up 4 hours into sleeping with the most horrendous headache and stuffed up nose. And I didn’t drink that much at all.

What has always worked well for me though, which I recently discovered and used to drink a half bottle of wine after a night of wine tastings, was Zyrtec. It did require me to take it again as a headache began to develop again later in the evening, but I was golden. I didn’t wake up crying for my mother because of intense pain. Which is always good.

Go ask your doctor, look it up, and let me know in the comments if it works for you or if I’m going to die because of it… whatever. Seems that this is something that bothers a lot of people and it would be nice to hear about ways to beat it other than abstinence. Because abstinence is boring.

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Lame – Losing Your Hair And Going Bald

Posted in Advice, FAIL, Lame, Rant, Satire, Words of Wisdom on April 27th, 2011 by admin
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After dealing with an ongoing issue for 10 years I’ve come to the conclusion that has become one of the lamest experiences one can go through – losing your hair. Personally, I have no problem with it. Hair and my teeth, that’s what I always say, let them fall out. Two less things you have to brush in the morning. Losing your hair, as a man, unless you are one of those freaks who doesn’t, is just a part of life and aging. There is no need to feel bad about it. Please be sure to take action if it gets out of control though – I know a man (honestly) who has the hairline and shape of Bozo the Clown. Somehow he still gets ladies, so it really doesn’t matter much I guess.

What has become incredibly lame about it is the suggestions that people make or conversations that really don’t need to happen. I feel like a celebrity at times. You know how people probably try to play the Kevin Bacon game with Kevin Bacon? It gets really old. My favorite suggestion is to stop wearing a hat. “You wouldn’t lose your hair if you didn’t wear a hat.” Well, you wouldn’t know if I never took it off. Not only do people automatically assume they are the first to impart these words of wisdom but they think you care. I’ve never once replied “You know, I never thought of that! People should pay you for that type of advice – genius! You are an absolute genius, please write books, humanity would be better off”.

And how dare people? Maybe it is an obvious comeback but could I go around telling people it’s probably the pastries and fried chicken that was making them fat? And as a balding person I have the same attitude of the morbidly obese in America – I could care less. Stop bugging me about it. Can I point out the blemish on your face shaped like Italy – because that’s all you are doing – making me self conscious about something that up until that point didn’t bother me at all. Luckily the feeling of inferiority washes away and I’m back to being happy about other things.

But this is the root of such comments I guess. People can sometimes only feel better about themselves when they point out the flaws of others. C”est la vie.

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Scary Mom: I TOOK HER, MINE NOW

Posted in Comedy, FAIL, Funny, Lame, Photo, Satire on February 6th, 2011 by admin
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I was inspired by the original Vengeance Dad meme and AwkwardFamiyPhotos image, have a look at: “I TOOK HER, MINE NOW

I Took Her, Mine Now

I Took Her, Mine Now

Credit for the original image goes to Awkward Family Photos, Thinking of Me. Someone should contact her, I think she’s single fellas. Who doesn’t want a piece of that?

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What’s Lame – February 3rd, 2011 Edition – Lil Wayne Relocates to Green Bay, Records Super Bowl 2011 Anthem For Packers

Posted in FAIL, Funny, Kinda Lame, Lame, Music, News, Photo, Rant, Video, Youtube on February 3rd, 2011 by admin
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Lil Wayne is a Cheesehead?

Despite claiming that he’d one day carry New Orleans on his back the Martian Lil’ Wayne has recorded a very interesting freestyle ahead of Super Bowl XLV for Green Bay Packers fans, such as himself, to enjoy. Posted first on his blog WeezyThanxYou.com it has started making the rounds to other sites like Rap-Up.com (where I found it linked to from Twitter). A good friend said the song was decent, I think the lyrics are lame (“I’m a cheese head, ya’ll *****s cheese whiz”). Listen or download the song below and judge for yourself;

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Download Link – Lil Wayne Freestyle – Green and Yellow

In other Exciting News… Monkeys Facepalm

Mandrill monkeys (they look like baboons, more info at link) have begun using the international sign of disgust to avoid social interactions. The Evolutionary Biologist studying the behavior has called it a monkey “Do not disturb” sign, holding the gesture for periods to avoid other monkeys (not a bad idea).

But why are they doing it? It’s unlikely that they’ve found something stupid on the Internet. Nor are the mandrills trying to block out light. They’ll make the same gesture in the shade or under overcast skies and only a third of the facepalms happened in direct sunlight. They’re not trying to wipe anything away, for the facepalms can last for as long as 17 minutes.
Via Discover Magazine – Monkey see, monkey facepalm

Teenager Creates Solar Death Ray, Threatens Governments Worldwide

Harnessing the power of over 5,000 suns (not yet 9,000) a 19 year old has created a death ray in the spirit of solar cooking devices built by survivalists and environmentalists. Though not exactly as effective as you’d want it to be the project is pretty cool and the only thing lame about it is that he actually spent the time to make it. Check out the YouTube video below, welcome your new laser wielding overlords!

Errata…

In other lame news, Earth is not “in another Solar System”. Thanks Gizmodo! Seems that when they aren’t stealing phones they have some (obvious) reporting value.

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Warner Brothers Leak Part of Harry Potter? (Yes, yes they did)

Posted in FAIL, Lame, News, Rant, Video on November 17th, 2010 by admin
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This story caught my eye because they put torrent in quotes, like torrent sites don’t exist;

For those of you too busy downloading the entire Beatles catalogue to check out entertainment news, the second-to-last “Harry Potter” movie debuts Friday.

The first 36 minutes of the film are already online, circulating on a number of “torrent” sites, which help users download sometimes- pirated media files. The leaked chunk of the movie is raising some interesting questions. Among them: Will the film actually do better because a portion of it has been leaked online?

One blogger goes further, asking if Warner Bros. Entertainment, which made the film and shares a parent company with CNN, leaked the clip on purpose

“Warner Bros. Pictures is usually none too fond of leaks, especially if a film gets out before it premieres in theater,” writes Ernesto, editor-in-chief of the site TorrentFreak.com

The TorrentFreak editor doesn’t realize, I guess, the extreme amount of correlation between a movie being distributed by Warner Bros. and the likelihood it will show up on torrent sites before being released. Now I didn’t say causation – I’m not going to just say that Warner does this – but it seems odd. Then it seems odd that the news organization who is also part of their parent company would be running this as one of their top stories.

I’m just going to suggest that they may not have leaked the beginning of the movie – but they want you to go out and find it, watch it and want more. Because this is the perfect trick to pull on Potter fans. They won’t be happy with watching even half of it – and if the fans are not sure if they want to get out to see the movie some leaked footage is a great way to have them salivating for more. If it’s good enough – and God damn do people love their Harry Potter.

If I had a dollar for every Warner Bros. screener I’ve seen offered online I’d be a rich man. I think this is more of the same, guerilla, viral marketing. Otherwise they wouldn’t be pushing a news story on it – they might have kept quiet.

Quote and story via CNN News (who is in the umbrella of companies that Warner Bros. is also a part of..) @ http://m.cnn.com/primary/_nzxmS3-in6b0iFBoA

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Lame photo: Via Twitter, sale for stay at home parents

Posted in Comedy, FAIL, Funny, Lame, Mobile, Photo, Twitter on November 4th, 2010 by admin
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“dankando: Back to school sale for stay-at-home parents http://twitpic.com/33qynn

–http://twitter.com/dankando/status/29646257823

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Google Voice’s SMS Service Has One Use – To Quickly Send Links To Your Phone

Posted in Advice, Computers, Howto, Lame, Software on October 27th, 2010 by admin
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I like to read some things from my phone and some things from my PC (which is connected to a HDTV, running 720p – easy on text, though still too far to read from my recliner). For the things I’d like to read from my phone I simply visit Google Voice, use their SMS features, and send myself a text message of the cut-and-pasted URL I’d like to visit later. Works like a charm.

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Lame Linux Tip of The Day – Enter Root (super user) mode at the Ubuntu command prompt

Posted in Computers, Howto, Lame, Linux, Screenshot, Software on October 12th, 2010 by admin
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The Ubuntu Linux distribution simply does not want you to create a password for the user ROOT and descend upon the system with a flurry of commands. Read any Ubuntu Forums or Ubuntu-related blog posting and you’ll see a series of help or HOWTO steps that require you to prefix each with the command “sudo“. Which, provided you are a part of the admin group, sudo will allow you tp perform any ROOT or super user task as if you were one.

It is good advice not to break the default security system of Ubuntu by creating a root account that can be directly logged into. Selected users instead elevate themselves as ROOT during specific tasks through the sudo, gksudo and kdesu command containers. However this raises two issues;

  • If operators are operating as ROOT, as part of the Ubuntu admin group, they must have secure passwords consisting of a variety of character types, and be lengthy (numbers, letters of mixed case and symbols). It is important to otherwise give access as needed to these users when it comes to various network services. Disable SSH logins if the user does not need it for example, and definitely do not allow them to access the system via FTP which will send their user password in the clear. If these accounts are able to be easily accessed they can do as much damage as if they were the ROOT user – the systems depends on each of the admin group’s users own security practices.
  • Meanwhile there arises times where directly operating as ROOT at the command prompt will be desired as many commands are involved in the solution, hack or upgrade the system administrator would like to commit. and using the command example below you can temporary become the ROOT user and do just what Ubuntu wanted to avoid removing the su command – run a flurry of commands as ROOT.

First reach a terminal prompt, in the example below we are going to use Gnome Terminal. Once you’ve opened the terminal up to the command prompt issue the command:

sudo -i

sudo -i

Execute the command "sudo -i" as an admin group user at the Ubuntu command prompt to elevate your terminal session to become the ROOT user.

Then provide your user password;

Provide Your User Password to sudo For Elevated admin Group Access

Provide Your User Password to sudo For Elevated admin Group Access

Next you’ll see your console prompt change in two ways (provided you have not changed from the BASH shell). You will first notice that the user prefix now reads “root” and next you may notice that the last character of the prompt has changed from a dollar sign, $, to the number or pound sign, #. See the example below compared to the first screenshot where we showed the user john issuing the sudo -i command.

Gnome Terminal - Ubuntu Shell Prompt Showing User Has Root Access, Logged In As Root

Command Prompt Showing User Has Root Access, Logged In As Root - Notice the user prefix reads "root" and the last character of the prompt is now a "#" (number sign) as opposed to a "$" (dollar sign).

+
There is now a security risk in t hat, I assume, you could lean on the keyboard or the cats can walk on it and accidentally “rm -rf /“ your entire installation. As a secondary way to show that you are in fact the super user the Gnome Terminal window title will then change to read as who you are logged in as – root;

Gnome Terminal Shows User Logged in as ROOT via the Titlebar

The Gnome Terminal Shows User Logged in as ROOT on the Titlebar (root@ubuntu)

Hope this helps you tackle such fun projects as downloading, compiling and installing a custom Linux kernel for your Ubuntu system.

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