These Japanese – they all have a scary and dangerous addiction to a evil menace that seems to now threaten the world population. Pocky.

Sure, it seems innocent. Chocolate (or strawberry, cappuccino or worse) over a cracker. But it’s on a stick. Nothing good comes on a stick. What’s worse is good ol’ Americans import and eat this stuff all the time. If you are a Hipster or are faking an interest in Japanese culture (to mask your sick manga addiction) you have some in your glove box or stashed away somewhere.

Now, here in America we like hot dogs wrapped in corn bread on a stick. There is nothing wrong with a corn dog – there is little chance at addiction, there is absolutely no problem if you eat 10 to 30 in a day.

I wasn’t too worried about this menace when I was first introduced to it. I shook the habit and realized I wouldn’t spend enough time in my local specialty food store to get my hands on Pocky. But after going to this grocery store of the world to pick up a 55 gallon drum of peanut oil (for making steaks) I discovered the item pictured above.

After some debate in the Japanese import aisle I found myself lost in – I did the unspeakable and purchased some of this Pocky. I cringed at the idea of another slimy Japanese Mafia member making money off my purchase. I had to test my theory. Sure enough when you combine the addictive and menacing substance with a clean cut childhood figure – in this case Thomas the Tank Engine – kids can’t resist the stuff.

Parents, keep your kids out of the Japanese foods aisle. Upon sight alone they will want it, and will be at the same time throwing their lives away. You might as well withdraw their college accounts now and prepare them for a Lindsey Lohan lifestyle. They will later, no doubt, be stealing to support their Pocky habit.

So sinister. You’ve been warned.

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Seems like a bonehead mistake, of gigantic proportions. Chevrolet has shipped their 2012 Sonic without break pads installed – no big deal. Oh, wait, we need those in order to keep from careening into intersections full of people and/or car? Well crap, let’s get to the dealer. No wonder it was $500 off, they just sold us a kit, not a car. Some assembly required I guess. Given that, we assume, most cars are made with robots I’m not sure how this would have happened – oh yeah, the robots aren’t aware that pads need to 101% be installed. If maybe, I don’t know, people still put cars together someone would have caught the mistake. I’m sure the guy who worked the assembly line for 40 years (and knows more about your car than the guy who drew up the blueprints) would have stopped production before such a deadly product was shipped. And they say we need tort reform? I think this shows we need something, anything, to keep companies on their toes. Not that we need to sue Chevy all at once now. Not at all – but if they weren’t worried about lawsuits I wonder if they’d ever give us break pads? It sure doesn’t seem like something on the forefront of their mind. Can’t wait to see The Consumerist get a hold of this one.

Here is what SlashGear had to say, the source (for me) of the story…

We’re pretty certain that someone at General Motors is in a whole heap of trouble this week as its been discovered that a batch of their Chevrolet Sonic cars with missing brake pads have left the factory and were sold in kind to unsuspecting customers. While these missing pads aren’t currently being rated as something so fatal that GM is recommending a total instant freak-out on the part of car owners, if you are one of those owners, you probably should bring your car in to be checked. Nothing like cruising into grandma’s house for New Years and finding yourself on the other side because you brakes just… you know… aren’t there.

via 2012 Chevrolet Sonic recalled due to missing brake pads – SlashGear.

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Now at a young age I could drink almost any kind of beer and didn’t drink much liquor. I did develop a taste for the gin & tonic, but typically drank what everyone else was drinking, whatever beer brand we all wanted to pitch in on. Given a choice and with the help of my steady drinking buddy I would select the glorious, golden delight that is named Old English 800. Eight ball, Ol’ E. Or as I called it, “The Malted Fantasy”. Not to be cool, not to be an ironic Hipster. I wasn’t trying to be Eazy-E – I took the advice of someone who was a serious drinker, who lauded Ol’ E, and tried it.

I also drank, due to price, a lot of Keystone Light. On my 30th birthday I even pledged to drink a 30-pack of ‘stones… and didn’t fulfill that obligation. At all. But I did try. Looking around at beer drinkers though you’ll notice a love for Anheuser-Busch products. Budweiser, Bud Light – these have to be the top selling beers in America. Though, I don’t even care to double check that assertion.

As time has progressed, starting back at about age 25, I found I could no longer drink more than one Anheuser-Busch product. Sometimes before I finished a 12 oz bottle I has a splitting headache and it felt like my ears were closing up. Then there were the yummy microbrew beers. I couldn’t drink any. I even had to leave a dinner party early once after drinking half of a beer.

Hard liquor doesn’t, for the most part, have the same effect. Sadly I have developed a taste for wines as I am now a bit more mature (and have someone to enjoy them with, someone to guide me in selections) and I can’t enjoy them either most of the time.

The first solution was to not drink. At my age, in my part of town and trying to be social this is almost impossible. Even in my previous job we couldn’t celebrate a success without tossing back a few (well, it was either drink or eat a ton of expensive and trendy food). The magical solution that I discovered later was Miller Light. I have had other Miller-Coors beers, and have had no adverse reactions, but I will typically avoid them on taste alone.

Miller Light has become a staple for me. Not that I’m drinking all the time, because I’d rather not, but if I want a single beer before bed after a long day or am looking for something that goes with a meal (who can not drink a beer while eating my own BBQ chicken? It deserves a pairing) I buy and reach for one thing… Miller Light.

Now, before you think my intent here is to laud Miller and put down the other brands I should be clear. I wish I had a choice. Some festivals only sell Bud. Some stadiums make you walk a half mile around to find something other than the beer that sponsors the team. At some parties where the beer has been purchased for the guests in advance – your favorite type of party, don’t lie – there is no real choice for me in sight. I find it common too that Anheuser-Busch has locked bars into exclusivity contracts and you can only get their beers out of the tap.

Sometimes you just have to suffer.

No. Beer. For. You.

And wine? Forget about it. Someone wants you to try a glass of expensive wine made in 1941, which the Nazi’s stole most of and there are only five bottles remaining? Endure the soulcrushing headache to come or turn it down.

Though, I may have found a solution.

There are a few things you can be allergic to in regards to liquors. It can be mold as a byproduct of the yeast used in fermentation. Anheuser-Busch beers are high in the byproduct and changing the formula would change the taste – fair enough, the majority of Bud drinkers might revolt. With wine it could be the sulphites – though this doesn’t seem to be my issue, per the above description. And there are other issues, such as wheat or gluten allergies, but you’d know if that was the case.

Now … I should have started by saying I’m not a doctor and I don’t intend here to give any sort of medical advice. And this is, of course, a medical problem in nature. So run this by your doctor first or do your own homework. But if you are like me and find that most beers and wines are off the menu – try an allergy drug (OMG other than benedryl!) to curb the issue. I have tried the over the counter Claritin (Walmart brand, which, scares me because I had no idea Walmart had a drug company division). Claritin didn’t work. Last night I tried it for the first time and I woke up 4 hours into sleeping with the most horrendous headache and stuffed up nose. And I didn’t drink that much at all.

What has always worked well for me though, which I recently discovered and used to drink a half bottle of wine after a night of wine tastings, was Zyrtec. It did require me to take it again as a headache began to develop again later in the evening, but I was golden. I didn’t wake up crying for my mother because of intense pain. Which is always good.

Go ask your doctor, look it up, and let me know in the comments if it works for you or if I’m going to die because of it… whatever. Seems that this is something that bothers a lot of people and it would be nice to hear about ways to beat it other than abstinence. Because abstinence is boring.

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Now, this Infinite Temperature claim got me thinking – why would they make such a claim? My first thought was; Why does it say that on the panel? The dryer is already here, in the basement, why are they trying to sell me on this idea now? Mind you, it’s not my dryer, I didn’t buy it, a family member did. But I did realize, these things are on display in the store. Walk in, they are all lined up – each year their control panels get more fancy, the logos more pronounced, the buttons more sleek – they sell appliances much like they sell cars. Minus the test drive. But does anyone believe the dryer is possible of getting to infinite temperatures? Did the chemist in my family fall for this – or were they sold, as I hope, on another more realistic feature?

These questions led me to ask myself – has the Internet, and online shopping, made us smarter consumers? Can Maytag really get away with making such a claim now considering it is trivial for someone to fact check a salesman’s claim with their cellphone right there on the spot? Not everyone is carrying an Internet-capable phone, and even those who do don’t always pull up Wikipedia when they are out shopping to check practical physics and the limitations of the universe. Some people must fall for this.

Well Golly Darling, This Dryer Can Reach Infinite Temperatures!
Do you offer in-store financing sir?

I only have to mention, before going further, the irony that the dryer itself isn’t that good. It takes a few full runs to keep things from getting moldy – though the vent hose is about a mile long, and everyone is too lazy to fix it.

The question remains – are consumers smarter now? Or rather – are they buying smarter, wasting less money? With crowd-sourcing tools like online reviews, the spread of general knowledge, sites like The Consumerist, Rip-Off Report and the myriad of others - do they make more informed opinions and fall less and less for sales-speak and a wink?

I would like to hope so. Anyone with a iPhone or Android can scan a barcode in-store and instantly get more information on the product, reviews and competing prices. There are certainly times when you need an item right now and there are some things that we really don’t want to bother with getting shipped to the door. I imagine as a people we still like to get our appliances from a local store – I’d think in most cases the cost savings from an online appliance competitor is eaten up in freight fees (UPS will not bring a dryer into your home). Thinking of all the computer parts I’ve purchased over the years however, or small consumer electronics, I can only imagine that competition from such girth of retailers a has made it harder and harder to push up prices more than an item is worth.

Beyond competition there are those elements I discussed above – reviews and access to more consumer publications (blogs) and forums. There are brands I simply turn my nose up at because I have heard enough people complain in forums that they rarely work as intended or at times could be outright dangerous to operate. When I am researching something to buy or just doing some “online window shopping” I inevitably end up at Amazon even if I know I won’t buy from them. Their user reviews of products tend to be the best – beyond just books. I wouldn’t buy an electric razor without seeing what the crowd says at Amazon first.

Typically you’ll see how many people have issues and can seriously weigh the strengths and weaknesses of a product (as well as some humor and creative writing). As far as computer parts and accessories go, the same is true with Newegg, even if I know my local Target has the best price on that particular computer mouse. And in the case of Newegg, the companies are now paying attention and will respond publicly to consumer complaints of outright product failure. It’s nice to see if a company steps up when someone cry’s “Lemon!” (and they fix it). And this is starting to show that more than ever the companies are tuned in to what consumers are saying – it seems the day is almost gone that a company can put out a product they know to be complete crap and get away with it.

In the case of razors (or rather, trimmers) I had a unique experience. Years ago someone gave me a gift of a fine Remington beard trimmer. It worked great, never pulled hairs and was an essential part of my grooming routine. I don’t have the skin to shave or the patience, so it was a thoughtful gift and I loved it, loved it, loved it. After years of charging past it’s recommended time and maybe being dropped in water once or twice it gave up the ghost. Shopping around in the usual stores was a failure. I couldn’t find it anywhere. In a pinch, on vacation, when it died, I reluctantly bought what the local mega-drugstore had to offer. It was 103 degrees and humid on that fine Florida day, and I needed a shave. Badly.

The trimmer I bought, from a respectable brand, was atrocious. It pulled hairs, took three times as long to do the job and left my face feeling somewhat raw. The results looked like a blind man who maintains his own lawn. After putting up with it for a week or two, and it’s very short lifespan I went to Google with the model number of my previous trimmer. To my horror they stopped making it and replaced it, with what the Amazon sages claimed, was an inferior product. Eventually I found an online retailer similar to good ol’ Big Lots and ordered one up from their discontinued section of wares. The box was beaten and dusty, but things were back to the way I like them. As a Virgo, I despise change, much like Rainman.

In that time Philips Consumer Electronics had purchased or merged with Remington and eventually reintroduced my beloved trimmer. The one I purchased from a cobwebbed warehouse had failed, due to my mishandling, and I was almost giddy to see they had acquiesced to consumer demand. The color is different, but it’s my favorite item again.

Surely a boring and long story about a product that seems silly – but to me, and it seems others, it is not. The masses were upset, they wanted their product back. I searched and searched and there was no substitute – the online wisdom was this cheap trimmer was the best you could really get and the alternatives were not worth settling for. The company capitulated, as smart companies do, and revived the product – all the while I had used the wisdom of the crowd to stay away from the poor Wahl and even Philips alternatives. I wasn’t going to be tricked again by limited selections and claims on packaging. Despite what the competitors said, they did not offer “The Best Trimming Experience Money Could Buy” (not an exact quote… of course). This was years ago, before Twitter and Facebook – before people were as connected as they are now. Consumers are not shy about simply saying “AVOID!” when they feel ripped off. Today, it’s all getting better for us, it seems.

Hopefully we all stop falling for infinite claims that are impossible to achieve. Which reminds me – are my clothes dry yet – and I could use a trim, sigh, again.

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What has become incredibly lame about it is the suggestions that people make or conversations that really don’t need to happen. I feel like a celebrity at times. You know how people probably try to play the Kevin Bacon game with Kevin Bacon? It gets really old. My favorite suggestion is to stop wearing a hat. “You wouldn’t lose your hair if you didn’t wear a hat.” Well, you wouldn’t know if I never took it off. Not only do people automatically assume they are the first to impart these words of wisdom but they think you care. I’ve never once replied “You know, I never thought of that! People should pay you for that type of advice – genius! You are an absolute genius, please write books, humanity would be better off”.

And how dare people? Maybe it is an obvious comeback but could I go around telling people it’s probably the pastries and fried chicken that was making them fat? And as a balding person I have the same attitude of the morbidly obese in America – I could care less. Stop bugging me about it. Can I point out the blemish on your face shaped like Italy – because that’s all you are doing – making me self conscious about something that up until that point didn’t bother me at all. Luckily the feeling of inferiority washes away and I’m back to being happy about other things.

But this is the root of such comments I guess. People can sometimes only feel better about themselves when they point out the flaws of others. C”est la vie.

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He told eonline.com via text message about the rumors swirling about him, “Believe nothing. I will never speak about any of this as long as I’m alive. You’re all gonna have to keep towing the same redundant line, guessing wrong.”

“BTW, two wars are in an endless state of sorrow. Egypt about burned to the ground, and all you people care about is my bulls***?”

“Shame shame shame.”

Sad thing is, he’s right…

via Charlie Sheen thinks the media focus on his troubled life is pathetic | AHN.

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Lil Wayne is a Cheesehead?

Despite claiming that he’d one day carry New Orleans on his back the Martian Lil’ Wayne has recorded a very interesting freestyle ahead of Super Bowl XLV for Green Bay Packers fans, such as himself, to enjoy. Posted first on his blog WeezyThanxYou.com it has started making the rounds to other sites like Rap-Up.com (where I found it linked to from Twitter). A good friend said the song was decent, I think the lyrics are lame (“I’m a cheese head, ya’ll *****s cheese whiz”). Listen or download the song below and judge for yourself;

Download Link – Lil Wayne Freestyle – Green and Yellow

In other Exciting News… Monkeys Facepalm

Mandrill monkeys (they look like baboons, more info at link) have begun using the international sign of disgust to avoid social interactions. The Evolutionary Biologist studying the behavior has called it a monkey “Do not disturb” sign, holding the gesture for periods to avoid other monkeys (not a bad idea).

But why are they doing it? It’s unlikely that they’ve found something stupid on the Internet. Nor are the mandrills trying to block out light. They’ll make the same gesture in the shade or under overcast skies and only a third of the facepalms happened in direct sunlight. They’re not trying to wipe anything away, for the facepalms can last for as long as 17 minutes.
Via Discover Magazine – Monkey see, monkey facepalm

Teenager Creates Solar Death Ray, Threatens Governments Worldwide

Harnessing the power of over 5,000 suns (not yet 9,000) a 19 year old has created a death ray in the spirit of solar cooking devices built by survivalists and environmentalists. Though not exactly as effective as you’d want it to be the project is pretty cool and the only thing lame about it is that he actually spent the time to make it. Check out the YouTube video below, welcome your new laser wielding overlords!

Errata…

In other lame news, Earth is not “in another Solar System”. Thanks Gizmodo! Seems that when they aren’t stealing phones they have some (obvious) reporting value.

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First up we have a list of ten things you shouldn’t say or discuss at this year’s Thanksgiving dinner from Dave Bry (article titled, My Sister’s Apple Cake – which is a misnomer as his sister’s apple cake is a Better Homes & Gardens apple cake, he admits).

Besides mentioning to not bring up the dreaded job search, Dave suggests avoiding even the topic of popular music – which given his example, I definitely agree with the sentiment. Music is always a tricky topic to broach with people who have varied interests or gasp, don’t know shit about music (or Prince);

Because people have different opinions about things. Someone at the table may be a professional musician, and wonder aloud why the musical artist Prince inspires such love and devotion from his fans since, this person might say, "his singing is always off key!" Due to your own feelings about Prince, which run counter to those just expressed, and the consumption of many glasses of wine during the recitation of a Native American prayer, you may blurt out an answer to the posed question by stating, enthusiastically, that Prince is simply the “baddest motherfucker in the world.” There may be be children at the table, ages twelve, nine, four. An aunt may tell your wife, who she’s sitting next to, that, “That’s not okay.”

As far as bringing up the most recent books you’ve read, or those which have captivated you (you know, the ones you are always begging people to read) Dave has simple advice – don’t bother – because? …

You haven’t read enough of them. You don’t understand the few that you’ve read.

There is always someone at the ol’ turkey eating contest that agrees. To avoid these face-palming situations I’d suggest reading the entire article: The Awl – My Sister’s Apple Cake by Dave Bry

If you enjoy Bry’s writing and sense of humor I’d suggest reading the public apology he has posted to his step-nephew for a slip-up he made to him a few years ago. Here is the setup;

We were in the kitchen at our mutual aunt’s house in Boston. I’d just arrived, after a long drive with my wife and my kid and my mother. You and your folks had gotten there the day before. We were both up from New York, but I hadn’t seen you in a few years. Not since you were much shorter, and much less opinionated about socio-economic matters. Or at least less colorful in the expression of your opinions.

Seems that the step-nephew had turned into a little bastard, though Bry admits that this likely stemmed from his frustration with “[being] totally miserable, trapped in Boston with your parents for four days instead of smoking pot with your friends and masturbating in the privacy of your own bathroom.” Yes, understandable that the kid would be a little rough around the edges.

I guess you’ll just have to read the article (Public Apology: Dear Step-Nephew) to find out Bry’s response to being called “fucking bourgeois scum” by this rebellious teen on a Boston Thanksgiving day.

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For those of you too busy downloading the entire Beatles catalogue to check out entertainment news, the second-to-last “Harry Potter” movie debuts Friday.

The first 36 minutes of the film are already online, circulating on a number of “torrent” sites, which help users download sometimes- pirated media files. The leaked chunk of the movie is raising some interesting questions. Among them: Will the film actually do better because a portion of it has been leaked online?

One blogger goes further, asking if Warner Bros. Entertainment, which made the film and shares a parent company with CNN, leaked the clip on purpose

“Warner Bros. Pictures is usually none too fond of leaks, especially if a film gets out before it premieres in theater,” writes Ernesto, editor-in-chief of the site TorrentFreak.com

The TorrentFreak editor doesn’t realize, I guess, the extreme amount of correlation between a movie being distributed by Warner Bros. and the likelihood it will show up on torrent sites before being released. Now I didn’t say causation – I’m not going to just say that Warner does this – but it seems odd. Then it seems odd that the news organization who is also part of their parent company would be running this as one of their top stories.

I’m just going to suggest that they may not have leaked the beginning of the movie – but they want you to go out and find it, watch it and want more. Because this is the perfect trick to pull on Potter fans. They won’t be happy with watching even half of it – and if the fans are not sure if they want to get out to see the movie some leaked footage is a great way to have them salivating for more. If it’s good enough – and God damn do people love their Harry Potter.

If I had a dollar for every Warner Bros. screener I’ve seen offered online I’d be a rich man. I think this is more of the same, guerilla, viral marketing. Otherwise they wouldn’t be pushing a news story on it – they might have kept quiet.

Quote and story via CNN News (who is in the umbrella of companies that Warner Bros. is also a part of..) @ http://m.cnn.com/primary/_nzxmS3-in6b0iFBoA

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The more barbaric the world seems, the more likely it is you have to resort to violence to prove yourself

In other words; when people are idiots you have to act like an idiot to communicate with them.

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