These Japanese – they all have a scary and dangerous addiction to a evil menace that seems to now threaten the world population. Pocky.

Sure, it seems innocent. Chocolate (or strawberry, cappuccino or worse) over a cracker. But it’s on a stick. Nothing good comes on a stick. What’s worse is good ol’ Americans import and eat this stuff all the time. If you are a Hipster or are faking an interest in Japanese culture (to mask your sick manga addiction) you have some in your glove box or stashed away somewhere.

Now, here in America we like hot dogs wrapped in corn bread on a stick. There is nothing wrong with a corn dog – there is little chance at addiction, there is absolutely no problem if you eat 10 to 30 in a day.

I wasn’t too worried about this menace when I was first introduced to it. I shook the habit and realized I wouldn’t spend enough time in my local specialty food store to get my hands on Pocky. But after going to this grocery store of the world to pick up a 55 gallon drum of peanut oil (for making steaks) I discovered the item pictured above.

After some debate in the Japanese import aisle I found myself lost in – I did the unspeakable and purchased some of this Pocky. I cringed at the idea of another slimy Japanese Mafia member making money off my purchase. I had to test my theory. Sure enough when you combine the addictive and menacing substance with a clean cut childhood figure – in this case Thomas the Tank Engine – kids can’t resist the stuff.

Parents, keep your kids out of the Japanese foods aisle. Upon sight alone they will want it, and will be at the same time throwing their lives away. You might as well withdraw their college accounts now and prepare them for a Lindsey Lohan lifestyle. They will later, no doubt, be stealing to support their Pocky habit.

So sinister. You’ve been warned.

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What has become incredibly lame about it is the suggestions that people make or conversations that really don’t need to happen. I feel like a celebrity at times. You know how people probably try to play the Kevin Bacon game with Kevin Bacon? It gets really old. My favorite suggestion is to stop wearing a hat. “You wouldn’t lose your hair if you didn’t wear a hat.” Well, you wouldn’t know if I never took it off. Not only do people automatically assume they are the first to impart these words of wisdom but they think you care. I’ve never once replied “You know, I never thought of that! People should pay you for that type of advice – genius! You are an absolute genius, please write books, humanity would be better off”.

And how dare people? Maybe it is an obvious comeback but could I go around telling people it’s probably the pastries and fried chicken that was making them fat? And as a balding person I have the same attitude of the morbidly obese in America – I could care less. Stop bugging me about it. Can I point out the blemish on your face shaped like Italy – because that’s all you are doing – making me self conscious about something that up until that point didn’t bother me at all. Luckily the feeling of inferiority washes away and I’m back to being happy about other things.

But this is the root of such comments I guess. People can sometimes only feel better about themselves when they point out the flaws of others. C”est la vie.

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I Took Her, Mine Now

Credit for the original image goes to Awkward Family Photos, Thinking of Me. Someone should contact her, I think she’s single fellas. Who doesn’t want a piece of that?

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First up we have a list of ten things you shouldn’t say or discuss at this year’s Thanksgiving dinner from Dave Bry (article titled, My Sister’s Apple Cake – which is a misnomer as his sister’s apple cake is a Better Homes & Gardens apple cake, he admits).

Besides mentioning to not bring up the dreaded job search, Dave suggests avoiding even the topic of popular music – which given his example, I definitely agree with the sentiment. Music is always a tricky topic to broach with people who have varied interests or gasp, don’t know shit about music (or Prince);

Because people have different opinions about things. Someone at the table may be a professional musician, and wonder aloud why the musical artist Prince inspires such love and devotion from his fans since, this person might say, "his singing is always off key!" Due to your own feelings about Prince, which run counter to those just expressed, and the consumption of many glasses of wine during the recitation of a Native American prayer, you may blurt out an answer to the posed question by stating, enthusiastically, that Prince is simply the “baddest motherfucker in the world.” There may be be children at the table, ages twelve, nine, four. An aunt may tell your wife, who she’s sitting next to, that, “That’s not okay.”

As far as bringing up the most recent books you’ve read, or those which have captivated you (you know, the ones you are always begging people to read) Dave has simple advice – don’t bother – because? …

You haven’t read enough of them. You don’t understand the few that you’ve read.

There is always someone at the ol’ turkey eating contest that agrees. To avoid these face-palming situations I’d suggest reading the entire article: The Awl – My Sister’s Apple Cake by Dave Bry

If you enjoy Bry’s writing and sense of humor I’d suggest reading the public apology he has posted to his step-nephew for a slip-up he made to him a few years ago. Here is the setup;

We were in the kitchen at our mutual aunt’s house in Boston. I’d just arrived, after a long drive with my wife and my kid and my mother. You and your folks had gotten there the day before. We were both up from New York, but I hadn’t seen you in a few years. Not since you were much shorter, and much less opinionated about socio-economic matters. Or at least less colorful in the expression of your opinions.

Seems that the step-nephew had turned into a little bastard, though Bry admits that this likely stemmed from his frustration with “[being] totally miserable, trapped in Boston with your parents for four days instead of smoking pot with your friends and masturbating in the privacy of your own bathroom.” Yes, understandable that the kid would be a little rough around the edges.

I guess you’ll just have to read the article (Public Apology: Dear Step-Nephew) to find out Bry’s response to being called “fucking bourgeois scum” by this rebellious teen on a Boston Thanksgiving day.

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The more barbaric the world seems, the more likely it is you have to resort to violence to prove yourself

In other words; when people are idiots you have to act like an idiot to communicate with them.

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Prince Philip As Seen By The World

In a follow up to a goofy post I wrote earlier it seems that Prince Philip made an off the wall comment to President Obama when he first visited the White House;

[The] President told the Royals: “I had breakfast with the Prime Minister, I had meetings with the Chinese, the Russians, David Cameron [the Conservative Prime Minister]…

…

A guffawing Prince Philip then blurted out: “Can you tell the difference between them?”
(Via: UK Sky News Blog)

I like how Jack & Jill Politics interpreted the gaffe;

It’s interesting because it’s offensive on several different levels. For those who don’t know, David Cameron is the leader of the conservative opposition in the UK. But apparently Prince Phillip also implies in his remarks that Cameron a member of the Conservative Party, mind you and therefore right wing is a communist like the Russians and Chinese. And that Barack Obama might be too stupid to tell them apart. Because Barack Obama is also a communist, right?

With my favorite part:

You have to hand it to Prince Phillip — a barb that sophisticated, offensive and condescending to so many millions of people including Russia, China, America and UK Tories/conservatives worldwide takes a lifetime to perfect. Well done, as they’d say here in the UK!
(Both via Prince Phillip Makes Racist Joke to Obama Upon Meeting Him – Jack & Jill Politics)

And that’s what I’ve been saying all along. Sophisticated troll is sophisticated. He’s good, has a real zing sense of humor and though you may not like his ethnic jokes… they are damn good. This one isn’t of the best in my other post, but as they pointed out, he’s a pro – not a noob at this.

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“I thought there was a correlation. Its amazing how many dumb fucks are also dumb, fat fucks.”

via Excess Fat Diminishes Brainpower | The Onion – Americas Finest News Source | American Voices.

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According to reports;

The quake was felt widely across the South Island and as far north as Wellington and Palmerston North.

Power is out to most of Christchurch and rural Canterbury, and the central city has been closed down by police because of the amount of rubble in the streets. Water pipes have ruptured and there are reports of flooding in some eastern Christchurch areas.

As many as 1000 residents from Christchurchs seaside suburbs may be evacuated due to flooding from broken water and sewage pipes. Civil Defence said a decision would be made shortly on whether to evacuate residents from New Brighton to Aranui or Linwood High Schools.

Emergency services have rescued about 10 people from holes in the ground including a person who was trapped in a pit in River Road after the ground collapsed.

via Chch state of emergency – national | Stuff.co.nz. Also see residents’ reactions to the quake from stuff.co.nz.

See this twitter search for possible updates from people inside the area of Christchurch.

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If you live on Earth you likely live by a place where people just beg, their vocation is soliciting donations for their cause – ass, grass or gas – you work to support them. But don’t feel sorry for all of them. For some can make a buck, euro or yuan really last a long time – so long they don’t even take place in the Supermarket Sweep you’d go through because you eat a lot more than these ninjas. They were given free $50 credit cards and mostly didn’t even use them. For god’s sake, I’d be getting StarCraft II. Here is a sample of the results…

He handed over the gift card, having spent $8.69.

… snip …

On a good day, he takes in $40 to $50 through panhandling, most of which he spends on communal food for friends. Of his most effective panning signs: “Like Obama, I like change,” and “Smile if you masturbate. Spare change if you like it.” He carries his belongings in a knapsack — just a bit of clothing and toiletries.

via How panhandlers use free credit cards – thestar.com.

Though I have to add that this was in Canada (the story mentions another study as well.. interesting read). In Downtown Toronto a homeless, handicapped, man once asked me for the mass-produced cigars I was smoking. I stopped, went back and tried to pay into the Canadian karma system by giving him one when he gave me a $2.00 CAD – which at the time, after 9/11, was starting to be worth more than the American Dollar and way more than what I paid for them in the states. This shocked all of us when he said it was his pleasure. WTF?

Though there is a guy I look for when life gets crazy – he is homeless and always smiling, and if you only just say ‘hello’ to him he will skip you every time you walk past him for the rest of his life. I swear. I think it was Christmas day or something that I saw him and offered to buy something and he turned me down… WTF?

I think they like it, seems kinda easy.

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HuffPost - Julianna Margulies Must Love Oral Sex (Giving) - The HuffPost Caption Reads: Julianna Margulies BLOWS UP At Reporter Over Oral Sex Question

According to the article – Margulies swallows, hardcore.

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