Welcome, fellow real estate aficionados and curious home seekers! Today, we’re taking a joyride through the pristine oak-lined roads of Byrdstown, TN, to investigate a lakeside property that’s less “just a house” and more “a lifestyle” — if your lifestyle includes unwarranted levels of luxury and the need for a guest quarter the size of a normal home. Priced at a cool $12 million, this estate is a veritable kingdom set in nearly 63 sprawling acres.
Oh, But It’s So Much More Than Just a House
The Details
- Price: $12,000,000
- Location: 5156 Turney Groce Rd, Byrdstown, TN 38549
- Size: 31,600 sq ft (that’s bigger than your average mall restroom)
- Bedrooms: 8 (because 7 wasn’t enough)
- Bathrooms: 10 (let’s be honest: half of them are probably just for show)
- Built: 2017 (just barely older than your average pet)
- Lot: 61 acres (or, like, a billion Frisbee tosses)
Now, if you’re thinking, “Wow, that’s a lot of space!” you would be right! This estate is equipped to handle everything from family reunions to influencer retreats. I can practically see the TikTok content being filmed on those balconies already!
A Lakeside Beauty
There’s something magical about lakeside views, isn’t there? This home boasts breathtaking, panoramic views of Dale Hollow Lake, where you can witness sunsets so stunning that even Instagram needs to step back and say, “Okay, I give up.”
Hidden Gems
- Custom Marble & Hand-Crafted Woodwork: Fancy! Perfect for when your guests are “just looking” and you need to impress them with your interior design skills.
- Three Full-Sized Kitchens: Because who doesn’t need a kitchen for breakfast, one for brunch, and one for midnight snacks?
- Commercial-Grade Home Theater: Why go to a cinema when you can enjoy bad movies in the comfort of your own place?
- Dramatic Two-Story Breezeway: A fancy term for “the hallway that looks so good, guests may mistake it for a ballroom!”
- Guest Quarters: With an open concept office/lounge space, 3 bedrooms, and even a lookout cupola. Don’t know what a cupola is? Neither do I, but it sounds fancy and you can certainly charge your friends rent if they want to stay.
Charming (and Slightly Weird) Features
Septic Tank: Ah, yes. The classic touch of nature’s plumbing. Nothing says luxury like dealing with the waste of your opulent lifestyle!
Security System with Smart Cameras: Who needs privacy when you can have a glorified Big Brother keeping an eye on your every move? This estate comes with all the modern security you could wish for!
The Flauntables Expand
Lest we forget, this estate features:
- A separate commercial-style shop/garage, because rolling into town in a standard vehicle doesn’t scream “I’m fancy!” enough.
- Nearly 50,000 sq ft of finished space. Seriously, if you can’t find a bathroom in this place, you should probably stop to consider life choices.
The Neighborhood
The neighborhood has no HOA and is patrolled by a security gate. So, you won’t have to worry about a neighbor complaining about your 5th landscaping upgrade. You know, just in case you feel compelled to spruce things up every few weeks.
The Financials, or How to Make Your Wallet Cry
- Price per Square Foot: $380/sqft (because size matters, unless you’re counting dollars)
- Annual Taxes: $55,362 (what? You thought rich folks didn’t pay taxes? Think again.)
- Tax Assessed Value: $13,897,400 (almost $14 million, so enjoy that discount!)
The Bottom Line
This luxe property is definitely impressive—like a peacock flaunting its feathers. With enough quirkiness to keep you entertained and a sprawling size that may or may not warrant a Segway to navigate the premises, it has a little something for everyone.
Whether you want it for a corporate retreat, a luxury resort, or just a really, really nice home for your extended family that hates each other, this estate is multifaceted. Just remember: It’s not just about the interior flair; it’s also about less-than-grand realities like septic tanks and 10 bathrooms (who needs that many when everything else is so very lovely?).
Conclusion: Is It Worth It?
Is it a little lame? Of course! But honestly, it’s also just kinda amazing. If you’ve got $12 million lying around (and who doesn’t?), you owe it to yourself to check out this gem in Tennessee—or just daydream about it in your slightly less extravagant home.
So, savor the views, embrace the quirks, and maybe fire up that commercial-grade home theater for an ’80s action flick or two. After all, what’s life without a little luxury and a side of ridiculousness?
