Kinda Lame

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As I was pulling towels, socks and underwear out of my dryer this morning I noticed that the panel, right by the brand name, read “Infinite Temperature“. A bold claim. I’m no theoretical physicist, but I do like the topic – read a few books, watched a few documentaries. My family has two chemists in it, we like tend to science – I just lack the desire to get too deep. One thing I do know is that infinity is really just a concept. I won’t even bother to look this claim up, to prove my laziness on whether I really care to know for sure, but in reality I think infinity is pretty much impossible. I think the term that gets stuck in my head is “finite universe” – that there is a edge to reality, and only so much to go around. Which, is just, like, one theory man.

Now, this Infinite Temperature claim got me thinking – why would they make such a claim? My first thought was; Why does it say that on the panel? The dryer is already here, in the basement, why are they trying to sell me on this idea now? Mind you, it’s not my dryer, I didn’t buy it, a family member did. But I did realize, these things are on display in the store. Walk in, they are all lined up – each year their control panels get more fancy, the logos more pronounced, the buttons more sleek – they sell appliances much like they sell cars. Minus the test drive. But does anyone believe the dryer is possible of getting to infinite temperatures? Did the chemist in my family fall for this – or were they sold, as I hope, on another more realistic feature?

These questions led me to ask myself – has the Internet, and online shopping, made us smarter consumers? Can Maytag really get away with making such a claim now considering it is trivial for someone to fact check a salesman’s claim with their cellphone right there on the spot? Not everyone is carrying an Internet-capable phone, and even those who do don’t always pull up Wikipedia when they are out shopping to check practical physics and the limitations of the universe. Some people must fall for this.

Well Golly Darling, This Dryer Can Reach Infinite Temperatures!
Do you offer in-store financing sir?

I only have to mention, before going further, the irony that the dryer itself isn’t that good. It takes a few full runs to keep things from getting moldy – though the vent hose is about a mile long, and everyone is too lazy to fix it.

The question remains – are consumers smarter now? Or rather – are they buying smarter, wasting less money? With crowd-sourcing tools like online reviews, the spread of general knowledge, sites like The Consumerist, Rip-Off Report and the myriad of others - do they make more informed opinions and fall less and less for sales-speak and a wink?

I would like to hope so. Anyone with a iPhone or Android can scan a barcode in-store and instantly get more information on the product, reviews and competing prices. There are certainly times when you need an item right now and there are some things that we really don’t want to bother with getting shipped to the door. I imagine as a people we still like to get our appliances from a local store – I’d think in most cases the cost savings from an online appliance competitor is eaten up in freight fees (UPS will not bring a dryer into your home). Thinking of all the computer parts I’ve purchased over the years however, or small consumer electronics, I can only imagine that competition from such girth of retailers a has made it harder and harder to push up prices more than an item is worth.

Beyond competition there are those elements I discussed above – reviews and access to more consumer publications (blogs) and forums. There are brands I simply turn my nose up at because I have heard enough people complain in forums that they rarely work as intended or at times could be outright dangerous to operate. When I am researching something to buy or just doing some “online window shopping” I inevitably end up at Amazon even if I know I won’t buy from them. Their user reviews of products tend to be the best – beyond just books. I wouldn’t buy an electric razor without seeing what the crowd says at Amazon first.

Typically you’ll see how many people have issues and can seriously weigh the strengths and weaknesses of a product (as well as some humor and creative writing). As far as computer parts and accessories go, the same is true with Newegg, even if I know my local Target has the best price on that particular computer mouse. And in the case of Newegg, the companies are now paying attention and will respond publicly to consumer complaints of outright product failure. It’s nice to see if a company steps up when someone cry’s “Lemon!” (and they fix it). And this is starting to show that more than ever the companies are tuned in to what consumers are saying – it seems the day is almost gone that a company can put out a product they know to be complete crap and get away with it.

In the case of razors (or rather, trimmers) I had a unique experience. Years ago someone gave me a gift of a fine Remington beard trimmer. It worked great, never pulled hairs and was an essential part of my grooming routine. I don’t have the skin to shave or the patience, so it was a thoughtful gift and I loved it, loved it, loved it. After years of charging past it’s recommended time and maybe being dropped in water once or twice it gave up the ghost. Shopping around in the usual stores was a failure. I couldn’t find it anywhere. In a pinch, on vacation, when it died, I reluctantly bought what the local mega-drugstore had to offer. It was 103 degrees and humid on that fine Florida day, and I needed a shave. Badly.

The trimmer I bought, from a respectable brand, was atrocious. It pulled hairs, took three times as long to do the job and left my face feeling somewhat raw. The results looked like a blind man who maintains his own lawn. After putting up with it for a week or two, and it’s very short lifespan I went to Google with the model number of my previous trimmer. To my horror they stopped making it and replaced it, with what the Amazon sages claimed, was an inferior product. Eventually I found an online retailer similar to good ol’ Big Lots and ordered one up from their discontinued section of wares. The box was beaten and dusty, but things were back to the way I like them. As a Virgo, I despise change, much like Rainman.

In that time Philips Consumer Electronics had purchased or merged with Remington and eventually reintroduced my beloved trimmer. The one I purchased from a cobwebbed warehouse had failed, due to my mishandling, and I was almost giddy to see they had acquiesced to consumer demand. The color is different, but it’s my favorite item again.

Surely a boring and long story about a product that seems silly – but to me, and it seems others, it is not. The masses were upset, they wanted their product back. I searched and searched and there was no substitute – the online wisdom was this cheap trimmer was the best you could really get and the alternatives were not worth settling for. The company capitulated, as smart companies do, and revived the product – all the while I had used the wisdom of the crowd to stay away from the poor Wahl and even Philips alternatives. I wasn’t going to be tricked again by limited selections and claims on packaging. Despite what the competitors said, they did not offer “The Best Trimming Experience Money Could Buy” (not an exact quote… of course). This was years ago, before Twitter and Facebook – before people were as connected as they are now. Consumers are not shy about simply saying “AVOID!” when they feel ripped off. Today, it’s all getting better for us, it seems.

Hopefully we all stop falling for infinite claims that are impossible to achieve. Which reminds me – are my clothes dry yet – and I could use a trim, sigh, again.

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If you are going to read one political blog to make you laugh, and maybe cry, from laughing, it should be The DCeiver. Check out the sample post I stole below (yes, in its entirety because I’m just that lame). KTHXBAI…

Via Andrew Sullivan, here’s a look at the socialism that Sarah Palin has been warning you about, because she can see it from her porch or some shit:

Yeah, so, it goes like this. First, they came for $82.3 billion, and I said nothing, because FUCK DUDE, we still had $39.2 trillion, and yeah, I was like, “WOO, POP SOME CRISTAL UP IN THIS PIECE!” and anyway, did you know we are using some of that money to make another Final Destination sequel? It’s TRUE, we are, and yeah, I’D LOVE TO SEE CAPITALISM EXPLAIN THAT.

via The DCeiver: Meet You In The Breadline, Comrades!.

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May I present my personal choice for 2009? It’s not a new song, but it’s a song that applies for 2009. A classic that deserves to be heard. Drum roll please?

Bob Dylan – The Times They Are A-Changin’

 

The song can be purchased for iTunes for a mere $0.99, not even a whole dollar and the provided link (which isn’t an advertisement)  gets you straight to the iTunes Plus version announced at MacWorld ’09. The song comes in a high quality DRM free format. Wow, DRM free music from iTunes? Times are a changin’!

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Couldn’t not share this one.
http://www.theonion.com/…/members_of_twisted_sister

NEW YORK—In a stunning reversal of their long-stated reluctance to take it, members of heavy-metal band Twisted Sister announced Monday that, after 24 years of fervent refusal, they are now willing to take it. Read More

(Sent from my phone)

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It was a quiet Saturday evening on the Westside, somewhere someone was tossing a sack of corn at a hole – besides that and a few bounces of an errand basketball there was silence. The sun was low in the sky and for many it was time to sit down for dinner. I also had a familiar feeling in my stomach, so I decided it was time for me to eat as well. But what delectable little item would I have today? The local fare was starting to get old, for the past three weeks I’d spent my weekend nights chewing on some of the best bar food you could find – but it wasn’t enough anymore.

I decided I’d go a little further than usual, but still keep it light. The evening was nice and it gave me the idea that I almost wanted to eat outside. That idea had to be scraped because it was just too damn humid, there was no way I wasn’t going to enjoy the modern convenience of air conditioning. Of course, there was a place where you could do both – The Levee. You could breeze around, see and be seen, and there were a lot of options. Of course, when it came to food that evening I made the wrong decision.

My head was beginning to hurt, I needed to eat something fast. I ran out as fast as I could and went over the options in my head. I was alone so I didn’t want to eat at anyplace too fancy – although that is what I truly was craving. I was tired of sandwiches, wraps, cereal, pizza and the repeated regular bar foods. I decided that I could combine the evening and make it entertaining by trying the food at Gameworks, afterward maybe I could let out a little stress and enjoy the evening by playing those video machines. I’d been there once, almost a year ago, but I never tried the food. Let’s give it a shot.

I arrived and drove around to park for what seemed like ten minutes. I finally found a spot and dashed to the stairs – I was getting even more hungry and there was no way I wanted to waste my time waiting for the elevator. I reached the top, almost out of breath (ever since junior high school I have taken steps two at a time without thinking). The air of the Levee was alive, somewhere music was almost being played by a band and everyone seemed to enjoy it. The view of the city across the river was gorgeous, as usual. I headed inside.

My destination was staring at me, straight ahead was food and fun. I got a table, and eventually a dry hamburger. It wasn’t as good as my favorite at the local spot, it certainly had been overcooked and lacked barbeque sauce. My head still felt a little off after eating so I decided some caffeine would help and ordered coffee. It wasn’t late yet, not even sunset, and there were enough things around to do that I would still tire out before the activities would. After the coffee and a small chat with the server I was off to play games.

Gameworks seems to be focused on two types of games – shooting and racing. Strange because they also serve alcohol. Not a good combination, but I guess people want to drink and drive and when that gets old, slide out of the car and shoot someone or something. Since I had already finished a quarter of a glass of draught beer I wasn’t too interested in playing a game that might embarrass me. It didn’t seem smart to play a game with a thirty five to forty inch screen that highlighted my shortcomings. I milled and milled, watched the faces of the people around me, as I had been doing from my chair next to the window in the eatery.

It was an odd setting, girlfriends following their boyfriends from shooting game to shooting game. Playing, trying to be interested in their spouse, only to be insulted and made to feel inferior. I felt as if these young boys and men wanted to assert their manhood as only a 1950′s man could. There were a few other young men around, but they seemed to have wondered in away from their family activity. A grouping of older couples sat around and there was what looked like a corporate party. Somewhat of a letdown, not much real excitement other than the wondering older single women. It was an interesting gaggle – dressed up and lots of makeup, one can only assume looking for a younger man to shower with Gameworks credits in exchange for a brief run at love lust.

That’s about when I found it. Stern Pinball has been making machines since the 1970′s (as Stern Electronics) and now stands as the only pinball machine maker in the world. Many in the industry, along with coin operated video machines, went bankrupt in the 1980′s and consolidated and the last pinball competitor to Stern was incorporated in the late 90′s. They have decided to re-run older best selling machines as well as create new themed machines such as my new favorite: The Sopranos (wikipedia, IPMDB).

There were other pinball machines lined up, with no one playing and I made it around to all of them but The Sopranos became my favorite very quickly. Other machines, namely Austin Powers, also by Stern, were setup to lose. The Sopranos wasn’t, it has a nice tight field with many easy targets and ramps and the flippers weren’t miles apart. Ball control is the most essential thing in pinball, unless you are going to shoot hard and aimlessly, and having a gap between flippers that is a ball and a half wide like some of the others doesn’t make that easy. The Sopranos felt like a real pinball game, it was fair and fun – you never watched a lost ball in disbelief.

Granted, the high score needed for a free game can and usually is set by the gaming house so Stern can’t take credit for that – but in no time I found that after every other game I was guaranteed a free credit to play again. I was lost in the sounds of the Sopranos cast and free game after free game. It became obvious that putting over four hundred credits on the Gameworks currency card at $25.00 wasn’t a good idea. I was now a Gameworks millionaire. I didn’t need all those credits because despite all of the flashy high tech machines around me I found a winner. And I mean winner because it certainly paid off.

Pinball machines, to me, are notorious for teasing you with the “Match” after the dropping of your final ball. You are depressed because it’s over, no more ramps and lights flashing, no more fun. Almost as you’ve never played before you realize there is one last chance, you might be able to play again! A number flashes on the LED light screen, 80, that should be easy to beat you think to yourself. You saw 80 hit the last time on double zero, why not now? A 50 comes up as your new match number and your dreams are dashed – but you waste no time going for your pocket to find another old quarter.

Not for me, not this time. I was winning free games since the score to beat for a free one was only set at 7,000,000; with it jumping to 14,000,000 the next round. That wasn’t as easy to hit but I made it a few times for the second free credit. Since I was playing non stop, slugging beers, I was also hitting the match score what seemed to be every tenth time it came up. I swear it hit twice in a row, but I was just hitting “Start” over and over so fast I wasn’t even paying attention anymore. It became so much fun to play that when I left to refill on draughts I was worried someone who spied me playing for so long would get curious and steal it away from me.

With so much enjoyment I forgot about my headache, which had come back with a vengence. I swipped my card one last time and found that I was now sitting on two more free games after losing the third ball very quickly. I didn’t want to play anymore, I’d be back, but I had to get home quick. A game played, another free credit. I was still having fun but it was getting hard to focus, match. Now I was four free games deep and desperately wanting to leave.

I plowed through the last games, playing hard as I decided to not just give up or walk away. It wasn’t about the money, this was costing me fractions of a cent to play, I just wanted to get better and better despite my blurry eyes. Finally it was over, and I started to reach for my currency card. I couldn’t believe I had so much fun in a place that touts itself as being so interactive at such a lone machine.

I knew I would be back, and during a following weekday I was. I decided on pizza this time, four cheese, and way too much. Even though it burned my mouth I ate as fast as possible and found my new home; The Sopranos Pinball.

Also: See video of The Sopranos Pinball @ Google / YouTube.