The final frontier, the universe itself. Everything else, except us. Out there. Not here. Space.

It is completely lame.

Even the word and the concept is meant to trick you, space, as if it’s an area somewhere. It’s not just an area – it’s all of the area. It’s everywhere and includes even us when we aren’t here but out there. But we just call it space.

Colour composite image of Centaurus A, revealing the lobes and jets emanating from the active galaxy’s central black hole. This is a composite of images obtained with three instruments, operating at very different wavelengths. The 870-micron submillimetre data, from LABOCA on APEX, are shown in orange. X-ray data from the Chandra X-ray Observatory are shown in blue. Visible light data from the Wide Field Imager (WFI) on the MPG/ESO 2.2 m telescope located at La Silla, Chile, show the stars and the galaxy’s characteristic dust lane in close to "true colour".

The final disappointment

What once made men wonder now makes men yawn.

It’s all out there and we just sit here ignoring it. And rightfully so. All of that out there hasn’t done anyone a bit of good here. There are these fantastic images, like the one above, and there are these great stories – but nothing ever really has happened in space.

We tell stories like Star Wars and Star Trek, we love those stories. We don’t, however, tell any real stories of cool things happening in space. Why? Because it’s a big disappointment. People went, they played around, they came home – most of them at least. It was never a big deal because there is nothing to see or do.

Space is just one of those things we tend to fantasize about and love to talk about but look out there. There is nothing to see because it’s boring and stupid. It’s mostly black (not that there’s anything wrong with that) and doesn’t have much going on. If you are lucky and stay up really late a few times each decade you might see something cool. The little white dots move.

They move, the white dots.

Can anyone tell me the point of space? It’s up there and we’re here. It doesn’t do us any good, I don’t know why people tend to care about space at all. Space is boring and lame.

Luckily we, collectively, got it all out of our system a while ago. We went to space. People even went to the Moon and bounced around a little bit and came home – we got over it. There wasn’t much to do or see, so we went a few more times and gave up on it, space was too lame for humans.

And Then We Went Back?

For a long time people didn’t want to bother going any more. It was expensive and it didn’t really do anything (space that is, it’s just there). We’re here worrying about real life and trying to survive this wonderful and not lame planet and we don’t need to be up there.

It’s all well and good that space is there, I almost appreciate that it’s t here. It doesn’t really matter to me either way if it went away or not as a long as it doesn’t really come here. I have enough space, I don’t need any more interfering with my life.

Now we do keep a few people up in space to ensure everything its okay, that space isn’t planning anything sneaky (and I guess to see if anything cool ever happens). They float around on this thing called the International Space Station all the time. It’s only a few folks usually because we wouldn’t want to waste anyone’s time hanging out up there.

By and large we’ve given up on it, we don’t care about space. It also seems funny to most of us to even think of going to space. Apparently too it’s very dangerous too. People die going to space – and for what? To be bored somewhere else, in a much bigger room?

I can understand why we went the first time. It was a curious thing, we’d never been. It was a big deal to get there. Once we did get there we started to understand why if people had ever done this before we didn’t know about it; it’s not worth retelling. But now we’re going back to space.

Can anyone tell me why we’re going back to space?

As if our trips to the Moon and sending robots to Mars to get lost wasn’t lame enough. We spent the planets resources on space toys and feeble pursuits of fantasy to finally learn space was completely and utterly lame.

Enter a New Challenger!

Elon Musk - the name, showing that the name Elon is misspelled according to the spell check Elon isn't a word and failed spell check
Mr. Musk Can’t Spell His Own Name

There is a guy who thinks money is real, named Elon Musk and for some stupid reason he thinks something is there. And by something I guess he think there is not nothing there – which is a little bonkers to me. We all know there isn’t anything out there.

Why does Musk want to go to space so badly? Probably because he’s richer than most humans. Maybe because Elon Musk is a criminal. That might have something to do with it.

No. No one is out there. Nothing is.

The Elons of the world need to give up on space. There are better things to waste a fortune on than going to space. It’s lame.